killed the cat

it would be far too long and boring a post for me to list all of the things about my midwife that i had problems with. but here's one: when i was in the final push, a metal cart full of medical doodads was wheeled into the delivery room. i managed to gasp out "what are those for?", to which my midwife chuckled and answered "now, you just concentrate on pushing and let me handle the rest." i didn't make an argument out of it, what with the mind-blowing pain and all, but holy moly did that piss me off. i asked a simple question. i wanted a simple answer. i didn't want to be told not worry my pretty little head about it. i wasn't worried about what was on the cart (although i should have been, but that's another story altogether), i just wanted to know what they were. dammit.

of course, as much as i'd like to just be purely bitter at my midwife about this, considering all of her other missteps during the 24 hours that we spent together, i really can't. for 9 out of 10 people, her answer was probably the right one—9 out of 10 people, in asking what was on the cart, probably really would be just looking for a reassurance that everything was fine, and that they could put the cart out of their head. she didn't know me well enough to know that that's not really my m.o.. what would have made me feel better was knowing what was on the freaking cart. i like knowing what's going on. i want concrete answers and explanations. i'm kind of a pain in the ass that way.

i haven't thought about the cart incident in a long time, but it popped into my head the other morning when wile and i were at school. during circle time, miss diana took a white handkerchief and jimmied it around her hand in some way to make a little rabbit puppet, and was telling a story with it. all of the kids were pretty entranced (it seriously looked like a rabbit, i was impressed), except wile, who was entranced...in a different way. he got up and walked over to miss diana, looked at the puppet, then looked up at her and asked "what in there?" she told him it was snowshoe the rabbit, come down to visit. wile pretty much waved this story away and asked again, "what in there?" she tried to sell him again on the rabbit story. he looked at her, sighed, and walked back to me. he plopped down in my lap, looked up at me and asked: "mama, what in there?" i leaned over and quietly told him that it was miss diana's hand, that she had made a puppet and was pretending that it was a real rabbit. he nodded, said "oh!", and turned back and listened to the rest of the story happily.