wile 6:18

and the foolish mother said, “for lo these past five days, we have rested for one and a half turns of the hour hand in the morning and then again in the afternoon, and then bedded down for the night at half past seven in the evening. therefore, i will plan the course of our saturday around this schedule.”

the baby god heard the foolish mother, and he was much angered. “how dare the foolish mother suppose that just because i have done something for five days straight that i will do it again on the sixth! has she forgotten that it is i, the baby god, who is in charge here, not her? i shall punish her presumption by resting for two and one half turns of the hour hand in the morning! and then showering myself and my car seat with regurgitated milk! and then going to sleep at half past four in the afternoon as if it were night-night time, and sleeping for four turns of the hour hand! that should remind her of her place!”

and the baby god did these things. but the foolish mother, though slightly perturbed and concerned by the massive amount of regurgitated milk, did not seem to learn her lesson. for the lengthy morning rest allowed her more time with the new baby goddess, and the lengthy afternoon rest allowed her more time with some visitors from the west coast at the home of the grandparents.

the baby god saw that his tactics had failed, and he was further angered. “the foolish mother is really asking for it now! the big guns shall have to be pulled out. i shall stay awake the entire car ride home from the house of the grandparents, then trick her into thinking that she is safe by going to bed quietly when we arrive home—only to awake at two in the morning and stay awake for three-quarters of a turn of the hour hand! i shall go back to sleep after that, but refuse to be put down in my crib! i shall remind her of her hubris all the following day with much wailing and lamenting! i shall sleep for only one turn of the hour hand the next afternoon—and only if she stays right beside me, staring at the wall and going slightly mad from boredom!”

and so it was done. and the foolish mother saw the error of her ways. and the baby god was sated. for now....