correspondence

dear department of motor vehicles -

i believe you owe someone an apology, dmv.

i know, dmv, that there were some parts of our sojourn in your hallowed halls that we can't blame you for. like the man who tried to quietly and nonchalently slip in front of me in line, pretending that he didn't see the 500 people in line behind me. no, sir, that's actually not my entourage, though i'm flattered. and i can't blame you, dmv, for the father of the little girl who, when the little girl got a little pushy when trying to make friends with wile, snatched her up and said "don't push! i'm gonna beat your ass! why you so violent?"

and let me say that i know that i brought the child there of my own volition. however. three separate waits? three? honestly...

while we were in the big line that snakes out the door into the hallway, twisting around the little metal-pole-and-cloth-strap dividers, the gentleman behind me, after about 20 minutes, said "excuse me, miss? is this really just the line to...get the numbered tickets...so we can get in another line?" i believe his dumbfoundedness spoke for all of us in the line. the line that seemed to move backwards.

so once i finally get the number, wait some more, and then finally see my number flash on the board (bingo!!) and get to go up to the window and do my thing, the nice man who helps me...gives me another number! so that i can wait some more, and then go to another window! now i know, dmv, that you're a government agency, which means you probably did some big study that took like 10 years to complete which determined that splitting up everyone's transactions between different windows somehow makes the process run more smoothly and efficiently. but to the average dmv-goer? it kinda makes us feel like whats-his-name who has to keep pushing the freaking boulder up the hill, only to watch it roll back down again, for all eternity.

and perhaps, dmv, you could have a little chat with your security guards. perhaps you could tell them that if they see a mother nursing a child, they could maybe not come over and tell them that they are in the "wrong waiting area" and that they need to move. especially when the nursing child is ASLEEP. oh and perhaps you could also tell them that when a mother has her child sitting up on the counter, firmly in her grasp, so that he doesn't cry while she's signing some papers, they could not come over and say "the baby can't be up there cause the baby could fall and then it could be the dmv's fault and you could sue." of course, if you got through to them with the don't-fuck-with-a-nursing-mom lesson, that second one would be unecessary, as the child wouldn't need to be up on the counter because he wouldn't be super cranky from being woken up.

so yes, i think an apology is in order. oh, no no no, dmv. don't look at me. i need you to apologize to the woman who we passed on the street after we finally escaped your clutches, who, upon seeing wile's un-mittened hands, told me that "baby's hands are cold!", to which i replied: "bite me."

yours sincerely,
hey mama