from the home office in brooklyn, ny

stephen told me the other morning that i was creating antagonism toward lulu with all of the things that i've written about her here on pookiellama. i think this was because he noticed that all of my girlfriends now address her as "bitch".

so, even though all of the things i've written about her are 100% true, in the intrest of fair and balanced reporting (that's real "fair and balanced", not fox news–style "fair and balanced"), i give you a top 10 list of nice things about lulu:

1. when stephen gets out of the shower, she dries his ankles for him by weaving around them. it's very sweet. (it would be sweeter if she had ever, even once in the past 6 years dried my ankles...okay, right, sticking with the positive...)

2. when she attacked sydney, she really was just trying to protect her brother. [note on that: syd and henry came to visit again 4th of july weekend, and syd drove up friday afternoon, which meant she had to drop henry off here at the house and then come meet us at shea for the mets-marlins game. we figured it would be okay—she would put henry in his crate, hopefully the cats would just stand at the end of the hallway and hiss insults at him. i should have known better. i got this voicemail as i was walking back to the parking lot with sarah: "kristen, it's syd, your cat won't let me into your house. i don't even have henry with me yet. [he was still in the car] i don't know what to do." by the time i talked to her, she had managed to get past the stripey beast and get henry into his crate without anyone losing any blood, but only becasuse she put the crate immediately inside the door with the opening facing out and basically shoved henry into it from the vestibule.]

3. she is a skilled balancecat:


4. she has a soft white underbelly:


5. when she was a kitten, she used to suck her paw, like a kid sucking her thumb. it was adorable.

6. she likes to get into the clawfoot tub and chase her tail. it's a really good arena for tail-chasing because the sloping sides really facillitate the spinning and flipping. i could watch her do this for hours.

7. unlike her brother, she doesn't knock our belongings off of our dressers and bedside tables when she wants us to get up in the morning to feed her. she just waits. like a good cat.

8. all winter long she sleeps on our bed, at our knees. granted, sometimes she steals the covers, but it's still nice.

9. she can do this:


10. though i can see in her eyes that she would like to take a swipe at wile when he gets too close, she checks herself and just walks away.

so, there. she really isn't pure evil.

but i will also—fair & balanced!—report an incident that took place mere hours ago: trucky sauntered in to the living room, where stephen was lying on the couch. stephen called to him "come here trucky, come sit with me." trucky, amazingly, walked over to the couch and put his front paws up on it and thought about jumping up. at this point lulu, who had been asleep on the arm of the couch, stood up, stretched, gave trucky a look and walked down the couch and sprawled out on stephen's lap. ten minutes later, when trucky was definitely gone, she jumped off his lap and stretched out on the rug.

we report, you decide!